I heard a great song the other day called "Slow Fade." It referred to compromising beliefs, but really applies to all of life and it's choices and the ways we cope under stress. My slow fade is a great hesitancy to get terribly excited about things as I know I'm facing a loss ... dumb I know but the ache ain't improving with time. No, I don't think I'm depressed, and no, I don't think I'm backslid, Christians love with so much passion that disappointment requires a lot of energy to process.
I've proven to myself that my knitting is therapy. I've started to pace myself. I have certain lists, to-do-lists that must be accomplished before I allow myself to knit. But, I also lay down the list when I feel like this. I'm so focused on my brother-in-law and sister who are hurting so badly right now, that I can pray for them while I knit, I can make something "Special Request" for my niece, I feel like I'm doing something productive in this void called "Wait."
So - I'm up at 4 AM knitting - checking my etsy store and watching the bids on my ebay store - knitting - pacing, praying, ... coffee is ready ...
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